Month: February 2012

BY Melissa Gerstein

Before my son was born, I had read up about the “baby blues.” On exactly the fourth day after he arrived, I was bluesy. At first, I was not quite sure what was happening. There were lots of tears. Tears of joy, tears of discomfort, tears of fear and tears from fatigue. Then a week later they were gone. Then the next week I was weepy again. I remember going to my doctor and explaining my blues, and he suggested a therapist who then suggested I needed to get my life back on track and go back to work and I did. Slowly the tears faded.

Then three years later my beautiful daughter was born. I was ready this time for the blues. Like clockwork, on the fourth day, tears poured down my face. But this time, I was set! I was better prepared. I was going to push these emotions away and persevere. I got through this rough patch once again. Was it possibly because my mom stayed longer this time around after the baby? I cried my eyes out daily to her until it passed.

Then our beloved third baby girl arrived. Third time is a charm they say. Everything will be smooth and easy. I’ll have no problems or complications or blues, I told myself. I’m wiser now and totally prepared and I’ve been down this road twice already. But, now, this was an entirely different road. On the fourth day, yes, the blues. But now accompanied by a bigger force, something I was not familiar with; anxiety. I was up all night, not because of a crying baby but because I was unable to sleep. This can be a lot for anyone to deal with, especially as we know how important sleep is. Anxiety too can be a struggle for anyone going through it. Not everyone knows how to cope with and everyone has their own way of doing so. From using a Cbdistillery coupon code to buy CBD products online, for example, speaking to friends/family about your feelings and trying to stay positive are just some ways that people can help deal with anxiety.

When you’re suffering from Insomnia, at the time, you feel like you’ve tried everything to help you get to sleep. From listening to calming nature sounds, counting sheep to even going to sleep early, you may have found that these tips haven’t helped. Saying this though, even if you decide to check out sites like etizoco, in the hopes of finding a solution to getting a better night’s sleep, hopefully, this will be worth it. Plus, we should all remember that our health is very important.

I was pacing back and forth in my apartment all night. My heart was racing. I was petrified and out of control and I was watching my life happen around me as if I was not present. I needed help. Many use CBD to battle against their anxiety or depression, now CBD in my case wasn’t an option considering I was still pregnant but if you are wanting to manage your anxiety or depression, you could look into 5 Effective ways to take CBD.

What I learned was there was no one to help me. My OBGYN referred me to a psychiatrist who could not see me for a week or two. “What, a week! I needed help!” I could not get control. It seemed this time I was having some form of postpartum depression. I knew it was minor. I knew I did not want to harm our baby. But I didn’t know that I needed to take matters into my own hands.

After calling my OB five times with no callback. After calling the hospital for other psychiatrists to help me, no one was around. Voicemails and messages were left everywhere. Until I finally got a return call from my OB’s office and screamed HELP ME!

She eventually prescribed a low dose of anti-anxiety medication that helped me for a few days. I didn’t like the side effects but I was able to function not only for myself but for my other children. If anxiety is something you want to manage within your life, it is not impossible, especially as you have the option of weed delivery (if legal) straight to your door. This could be the answer to relieving the symptoms of anxiety, in order to help get your life back on track.

Postpartum I have learned firsthand is very serious. Mothers need much more attention after giving birth. This six week follow up is ludicrous. It should be a week later you see your doctor.

Maybe if that were the case, I could have saved myself from making a gazillion phone calls and begging for help.

BY Melissa Gerstein

This past Sunday, 60 Minutes featured a piece on homeless kids. They covered the story from Seminole Florida where the homeless rate for families is astonishing. In a time where our country has an unemployment rate of 9% and more than 16 million children are living in poverty, I felt compelled to have our son watch with me and try to understand how truly blessed he is today. I am constantly challenged by the demands our son has on “stuff.” I understand these wants. Who wouldn’t be impressed and intrigued by all these incredible tech gadgets that surround us today. But all of these things are luxuries and not what most children have or need across America.

As I watched with my husband we both discussed if our almost ten year old should watch the segment and whether or not he could handle the content.

We hit the rewind button and asked him to come in and view with us. As he watched, I watched him. I paid very close attention to his face. I wanted to see if he comprehended not only the stories, but if he was moved and affected by what he was witnessing. He was emotional.

After he watched the children tell their stories of living in cars, fathers crying over the last orange to feed their families and kids discussing their fears with Scott Pelley, we talked about the homeless kids.

We spoke about how a lot of homeless people are parents like us and, for lots of reasons, why they fall under the addiction definition and struggle with substances like alcohol and drugs. We talked about the different ways people were trying their best to help those who were homeless to find shelter and housing, as well as how many organizations made hygiene kits for homeless parents and their children. We also touched upon how alcohol addiction can become a major problem in homeless people.

However, the most important thing that we talked about is being grateful and having gratitude. We told him that not everyone might have the privilege to get a roof. Just because we can easily buy a new house, for example in the best neighborhoods in Bend, Oregon (https://bernardrealestategroup.com/bend-or-best-neighborhoods/), it doesn’t mean that everyone can. Hence, he should be content with what he has, or what we have.

It was not a lengthy conversation, it didn’t have to be. He instantly felt grateful and remorseful for many issues we have been struggling with. I reassured him that he does not have to worry about ever being hungry or homeless but that we need to remember that there are other people in the world suffering, just even outside our front door.

The question now is, how long will these feelings of gratefulness last? Will he ask me in a week for a MacBook or an ipad again? Will he remember the stories of these kids and their lives living out of cars and washing up in gas stations before school? I hope so.

There is a balance to wanting and needing. I would like my children to appreciate everything they have and at the same time to want more. The desire to want is also important, but you also need to be content. Have I faulted him by being able to give him so many things in life? We always take time to help others and do community service but is that not enough? How do we teach our kids to appreciate everything they have in life? Do they need constant reminders such as this 60 Minutes piece? Or does this all change with maturity and age?

I re-visited the conversation with my son in the days that followed and he had new concerns and questions to discuss with me. He mentioned to me that other kids in his school had seen the program too. To me, that was success, to know that he was talking about it with his peers.

BY Melissa Gerstein

Once upon a time I used to wake up and have sex in the morning. My boyfriend and I would stroll hand and hand without a care in the world. And we could talk and talk for hours. I always used to find some cute romantic quotes for him which he loved hearing too!

But that was before my boyfriend became my husband. Eleven years and three children later things are not what they used to be. I miss the days where I was his full attention and focus. He read an article on 30 Awesome Things To Talk About With A Girl so we always had really interesting conversations. I miss how we went anywhere at any time. I miss how he used to look at me. Now with three little ones I’m competing for his time.

Don’t get me wrong I love my children. But, I find myself fighting over who gets to talk to Daddy first, especially when it comes to my five year-old-little girl. She will curl up in his lap and I will watch her hold his face with her little hands. I think to myself how precious, but I also remember how that used to be me on his lap. Maybe he has changed and could be cheating on me. I might have to use reverse phone lookup to find out.

But it’s not even the one on one time I long for. It is that my state of mind has changed. It is just not the same now since I have had children. I often wonder, why can’t we, as husband and wife, assume the roles of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” again? Is there a way? Is it once you get married and have kids your relationship as a couple is never the same?

It’s not just about the intimacy either, or being able to do whatever whenever. It’s that life as we know it now as husband and wife and being Mom and Dad is so busy it’s hard to remain each other’s firsts. There are so many other things in the mix now, like schools, bills, meals, errands, everyone’s health and trying to be good parents.

Sometimes it can be difficult to deliver (or hear) tough feedback, but the healthiest of relationships will practice transparency in their communications. When people who are coming out of a failed relationship are asked about what went wrong, “in many cases it boils down to the fact that they were not honest with one another”, says DatingPilot.

This doesn’t mean that the delivery of the message isn’t important, however. So, take time to work with one another and understand the best way that the other receives (and gives) messages, and put that into practice. If you find that you are providing more constructive honesty than positive honesty, take that as a red flag that you might need to spend some time working on your relationship.

So, how do I get my boyfriend back? Will it take 18 years until all the children move out? I posed this question to my own mother and mother in law recently and in unison and without pause, they answered a collective, “Yes!”

BY MELISSA GERSTEIN

I love to hold babies. Any baby, not just my own. I cannot help myself. If I see a baby, I need to hold him or her.

Do all moms want to hold newborns? Why do I feel the need to hold everyone’s newborn baby especially when they are crying? Is it a mother’s instinct to scoop up a new baby and snuggle or is it the empathy I feel when they cry?

At times, I will see new mothers struggling in the park and I will just walk right up and ask if they need help and offer to hold their baby. One time a woman handed me her baby after I struck up a conversation about her “hooter hider”. Some moms want the extra help with their babies, and some look at me like I’m crazy. One time, I asked a mom if she was alright while she was holding her wailing newborn and her toddler who just fell off a slide. I asked if she wanted me to hold her baby while she tended to her crying son and she looked at me with disgust. Maybe I offended her or she was having some difficulty, or maybe she thought I was insane?

At times I want to hold other people’s babies so badly that there is this uncontrollable yearning inside me. I love their smell and the way they curl up around you and the newborn breath is heaven.

I’m trying to hold on as tight as I can to my two-year-olds “babyness”. I know I’m on the tail end of it disappearing forever. I still rock her to sleep and she still has a bottle. I know she’s my last baby so I’m holding on for dear life. I should have contacted a Newborn Photographer to take her picture so I could always be able to look at that photograph and relive those memories time and time again!

When I had my babies, I was in such a fog and it was so hard to always enjoy some of those newborn moments. I found myself struggling to just get through the day. I would forget to savor those newborn days where they squirm to stretch and those lovely first smiles that have now disappeared in a flash. I know its not all fun and games. There’s the problem of being kept up late at night, wiping poop with Pampers baby wipes, but I don’t mind. I loved those moments when i had a newborn (I still love them so much now though of course). I miss things like that though like even just getting something like a new travel stroller is something that I miss… crazy right? I know that there are some women though who get nannies, or au pairs to help them out and I get why they do that. Sometimes having children can just get too much and you need that extra help. I’ve noticed an increase in demand for au pairs, particularly since parents have become far too busy recently. So if this is something that you are interested in then you can easily check out something like this Cultural Care Au Pair to give you a better idea of how you can apply and what you should expect. There’s no harm in asking someone else to help you though, so if you are struggling a bit then ask for help.

But now more than ever I crave those newborn snuggles. Does that mean I want another baby? Or is it normal for me to feel this was because my children are getting older? Do all moms feel they want another baby when their baby becomes a toddler? I look at my pregnancy photos and wonder if I could do it again. So as I struggle with this emotion, for now, please just let me hold your baby.

Do you want to hold other people’s babies?

I wrote this piece last year. I am still addicted to my blackberry, but I now have different perspective. A lot has changed in a year, and I can now say, the opposite. My blackberry is actually helping my life with my kids. And thanks to a new Babycenter study, I feel validated and can now say my blackberry is saving my life with my kids.

MY BLACKBERRY IS RUINING MY LIFE WITH MY KIDS

BY DENISE ALBERT

My thumbs are tired. My eyes feel strained. All of a sudden, I get migraines. My attention span is out the window, and although I use cannabis occasionally from websites like Area52.com to combat migraine pain, this has only started happened my blackberry arrived. Since my blackberry came into my life, I can’t put it down. I even sneak a few peaks in the middle of the night. Before Mr. Blackberry and I met, I never even awoke during the night. And forget about a good-morning kiss for my husband, my PDA gets me first.

I feel like I’m cheating. Always trying to check it without getting busted. But the worst part about my “other” relationship is how it disrupts my life with my kids.

When we’re playing on the floor, my bb is always perfectly positioned. My son is even programmed to check and make sure I have my bb every time we get out of a taxi. “Mom – you have your phone?” he says in a monotone voice at the end of every single cab ride. He learned to do that after I paid more for a taxi driver to bring my lost phone back to me than the cost of a new one.

My blackberry is like my third son, the baby of the family who always has my attention. Eating breakfast with my kids, so is my bb. Watching a show with my kids, so is my bb. On the playground, yep, there I am, bb in hand.

It has taken over my life. I visited a site like https://www.nyallergy.com/migraines for some help with the migraines it was causing, so now I can be on it all day, every day. I can’t put my blackberry down. Always looking for that blinking red signal of a new message, text or bbm. Mr. BB even accompanies me to the bathroom!

And god forbid an email comes in. What would happen if I didn’t reply right away? Why can’t I be present with my kids, and make the interrupter wait?

A “day off” from work is simply impossible because I’m never, ever without my blackberry. Weekends and vacations are no exception; I’m now in full panic that I won’t have service on an upcoming family holiday, although I’ve now learned more information on how to stay connected with data, so I should be able to access the most important things that I’ll need. But honestly, I think I need to go on a digital detox for a few days. Perhaps, I should go on a vacation on a cruise (of course, I would make reservation on a ship which offers a Cruise Parking facility), where there might not be any Internet so that I can enjoy the serenity and the bliss of nature. Otherwise, I might seriously have to term myself as a mobile phone addict.

Obviously, having a phone on me at all times has plenty of benefits which I’ve not yet touched on. It’s a lifesaver in an emergency and I’m always available for if my kids need me when they’re at school. It’s great for taking photos and for staying in contact with friends, and I still talk to friends now that I would have lost touch with by now if I didn’t have it.

I’m excited to be a part of the new world of technology but my bb needs to stop ruling my life and interrupting my time with my kids. I’m just not sure how.

By Denise Albert

How do you explain to your kids that it is okay to be happy someone was killed? That’s the first thing that went through my head when I heard the news about Osama Bin Laden. My morning routine normally includes a million questions from my 6-year-old son as we leaf through the morning paper. He likes to pick it up outside our door and flips through the sports in the back and then makes his way to tons of questions about what is on the cover. In most recent days I’ve explained everything from the monarchy in England to why Prince William is balding.

I can only imagine the questions I will get in the morning. I always try to be honest. I want my kids to grow up with a realistic view of the world we live in. I don’t want them to be too sheltered. I don’t believe in lying to protect them. I can usually find a way to explain even the more difficult topics. But I haven’t yet had to say it is okay to kill. I haven’t had to say sometimes guns or bombs are good.

Not everyone will agree with this, I’m aware of that. But how many people do you know have guns? How many people do you know that have read and reread something like this open-carry gun law guide (https://gunlawsuits.org/gun-laws/open-carry/) just so they know what to do, and what rules to follow, when they are faced with a threatening situation and self-defense is the only answer? I bet there are too many to count. So, when your life or your family’s life is being called to question and the only way to keep yourselves safe is to fire at them, you do it without a moment’s hesitation. And that’s what happened here. So, in this instance, guns have done some good in the world. However, even with good at the helm, people can still find themself facing criminal charges if a problem arises. Because of this, they may need to use a criminal defense attorney in Harrisburg PA, or wherever they are based, so they can be guided through the next steps and what to expect.

I’ve spent the past 6 months arguing with my son about toy guns. I’m not a fan. He spends a lot of time talking about and writing about bad guys. Maybe that’s the place to start. A bad guy was killed. But now I have some homework to do. I want to get the facts right when I tell him our military killed the worst guy in the world, and it is okay to be happy about it. I have to be prepared for all of the questions he will ask.

My son will ask why Osama was a bad guy. My son will ask what Osama did. Forget about the birds and the bees. This is my big talk with my son and because Osama Bin Laden was killed yesterday, my talk will have to happen today. Our talk will be about 9/11, which I haven’t had to face yet. It will be about all of the people who were murdered that day. This talk will be sooner than expected but I will do it the best way that I can, so he will feel safe and understand that on this day, we will celebrate murder.

BY Denise Albert

I’m proud to say that out loud. It seems the more people I say it to, the more people admit they disliked being pregnant too. Loads of people struggle with different things when it comes to pregnancy, some women struggle with stress incontinence, some get really bad morning sickness. Some just hate everything. So I’m glad to know I’m not alone.

I love my kids. That might be a better way to start. I am certainly grateful that I was able to have them but I really hated being pregnant. There are certain things about pregnancy that I enjoyed. I loved designing their nursery – choosing the colours and the furniture in particular. I must have spent hours online looking at Pinterest boards of things like nursery wall decals and colour schemes. I also loved buying them little cute outfits in anticipation. Mostly, though, I enjoyed the day my babies were born. But the whole pregnancy process was extremely stressful for me. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to have a natural pregnancy so, after a few weeks of trying with no avail, I began asking my doctor how much does IVF treatment cost. My doctor told us to keep trying and eventually, I got pregnant. That was when it all went downhill!

I’ll start with the obvious. I hate being fat. And I do get fat! I eat, but certainly not enough to warrant the 50 pound gain during both of my pregnancies. When my OB suggested buying a scale, I knew I was in trouble. I always used the zipper trick. If my jeans closed, I was fine.

I hated feeling nauseous every day, all day. It did not go away. I never threw up. I would have felt better if I did.

I hated burping, tooting and the feeling of a big bubble under my heart all of the time. It’s amazing I didn’t OD on tums. It now makes complete sense why 5 ½ year old keeps asking for those “yummy tummy vitamins” – he was born addicted!

I also hated you. You, and you, and you! All of you! (My guess is you hated me too!). Everyone and everything bothered me. I had no patience, no sensitivity and certainly no filter. It was a problem at work and at home. I began to hate my job, hate my friends and sometimes even my husband. I also hated every question from every single person. When are you due? What are you having? (Don’t know – that’s the only thing getting me through this miserable experience). Oh how cute – are you having twins? (No, I’m just fat!)

Luckily, there were a few things that helped me out here and there throughout the pregnancies, like the many vitamins and supplements places have on offer to help with certain issues us women experience. I even know some other pregnant mums at the time that invested in White label supplements and started their own business from their experiences, helping others alike! Which is completely inspiring. So there are definitely some things that can help you out through this process!

After each pregnancy, I did realize what I’d always been told – it was all worth it! But after two boys – I know I will never do it again! I’m choosing to stay married, stay employed, and stay happy. And happy for me – is NOT being pregnant. And please stop with the questions, I am not having a third. (Translation: I am not going for a girl.)