I Want My Boyfriend Back

BY Melissa Gerstein

Once upon a time I used to wake up and have sex in the morning. My boyfriend and I would stroll hand and hand without a care in the world. And we could talk and talk for hours. I always used to find some cute romantic quotes for him which he loved hearing too!

But that was before my boyfriend became my husband. Eleven years and three children later things are not what they used to be. I miss the days where I was his full attention and focus. He read an article on 30 Awesome Things To Talk About With A Girl so we always had really interesting conversations. I miss how we went anywhere at any time. I miss how he used to look at me. Now with three little ones I’m competing for his time.

Don’t get me wrong I love my children. But, I find myself fighting over who gets to talk to Daddy first, especially when it comes to my five year-old-little girl. She will curl up in his lap and I will watch her hold his face with her little hands. I think to myself how precious, but I also remember how that used to be me on his lap. Maybe he has changed and could be cheating on me. I might have to use reverse phone lookup to find out.

But it’s not even the one on one time I long for. It is that my state of mind has changed. It is just not the same now since I have had children. I often wonder, why can’t we, as husband and wife, assume the roles of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” again? Is there a way? Is it once you get married and have kids your relationship as a couple is never the same?

It’s not just about the intimacy either, or being able to do whatever whenever. It’s that life as we know it now as husband and wife and being Mom and Dad is so busy it’s hard to remain each other’s firsts. There are so many other things in the mix now, like schools, bills, meals, errands, everyone’s health and trying to be good parents.

Sometimes it can be difficult to deliver (or hear) tough feedback, but the healthiest of relationships will practice transparency in their communications. When people who are coming out of a failed relationship are asked about what went wrong, “in many cases it boils down to the fact that they were not honest with one another”, says DatingPilot.

This doesn’t mean that the delivery of the message isn’t important, however. So, take time to work with one another and understand the best way that the other receives (and gives) messages, and put that into practice. If you find that you are providing more constructive honesty than positive honesty, take that as a red flag that you might need to spend some time working on your relationship.

So, how do I get my boyfriend back? Will it take 18 years until all the children move out? I posed this question to my own mother and mother in law recently and in unison and without pause, they answered a collective, “Yes!”

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